Post by Ken Shirogane on Aug 14, 2024 20:20:00 GMT
"No, I am not good at all." He grunted in reply to the simple question with a simple answer.
Good time or not, for at least a minute he'd expressed his frustrations and thoughts, and projected them at Rabirria like a sounding board. He'd admit he just vomited a lot of words out at her, putting no barrier between his thoughts and his words, while Shizu listened. He hadn't considered Shizu's feelings very much, but at this point, he already knew it was kind of impossible not to eventually say something that would upset Shizu. Either he said something directly that would upset her, or whatever he was saying became word salad and she'd hear whatever she wanted to hear, or whatever she didn't want to hear.
This time at least he'd probably said some things that directly bothered her. He knew Shizu disliked being compared to monsters or breasts, but he just kept right on doing it. He wouldn't think or consider what he was saying, and it would just slip out. In her mind being a shark was bad, in his it was good. She was strong, she was dangerous, she was so much more than human. And it seemed to Yama that she struggled with those aspects of herself, even hating those parts of herself. Yama had never had to struggle with what he was. He was content to act in the moment and accept himself along the way. Like it or not, he was what he was, and he didn't have a desire to change himself. At least not beyond becoming more powerful, more dangerous, and unstoppable.
"I am sorry, Shizu. Honestly, I might just be a terrible boyfriend for you." He sighed out. He was sorry, but would it change anything? Even if he was sorry now, he doubted it would make any difference. Hurting her feelings sucked, but it wasn't like it changed his mind. She didn't suddenly stop being a threat, she didn't stop being an Arrancar, and she didn't stop being a man-eating monster.
Granted, she didn't seem to WANT to be those things. But if she still ate him in the end despite caring for each other then wanting to change didn't mean much, did it? Because she would still be doing the same thing. She would still slip up despite her efforts and eat him, or someone else, the way he would slip up and say something hurtful to her or about her even if he didn't want to hurt her.
She wanted to eat him. She'd admit as much freely. She didn't see the contradiction in her words and her desires. She didn't connect wanting to eat him or anyone else with something that was monstrous. Delusion, or ignorance, it didn't really matter. And explaining it wouldn't make a difference either. There was no way to make her understand, it would only hurt her to try. He knew because he HAD tried, at least once or twice to explain what he felt it meant to be a monster and to be monstrous.
He was too stupid for this. He didn't have the ability to fix anything. He was only ever really good for breaking things. Maybe he'd break Shizu one day too. He'd be the worst thing that ever happened to her despite caring for her, and not meaning to hurt her. How fitting would that be? Shizu might even think that was romantic.
Yama started to sit up, his body creaked like a stiff board as he made his way to his feet, stepping over to a gravestone, and leaning on it for support. Breathing lightly from just how much effort that took.
"I'm going to wait outside the graveyard by my bike." He decided it was better if he wasn't there for now. He'd already hurt Shizu more than enough and he didn't want to put his foot in his mouth more than he already had. Nothing he was thinking about would be helpful or productive to Shizu right now. If Rabirria wanted to comfort Shizu, then she would probably do better than Yama would right now anyway.
PC: 10
Smiley freshstrawberries
Good time or not, for at least a minute he'd expressed his frustrations and thoughts, and projected them at Rabirria like a sounding board. He'd admit he just vomited a lot of words out at her, putting no barrier between his thoughts and his words, while Shizu listened. He hadn't considered Shizu's feelings very much, but at this point, he already knew it was kind of impossible not to eventually say something that would upset Shizu. Either he said something directly that would upset her, or whatever he was saying became word salad and she'd hear whatever she wanted to hear, or whatever she didn't want to hear.
This time at least he'd probably said some things that directly bothered her. He knew Shizu disliked being compared to monsters or breasts, but he just kept right on doing it. He wouldn't think or consider what he was saying, and it would just slip out. In her mind being a shark was bad, in his it was good. She was strong, she was dangerous, she was so much more than human. And it seemed to Yama that she struggled with those aspects of herself, even hating those parts of herself. Yama had never had to struggle with what he was. He was content to act in the moment and accept himself along the way. Like it or not, he was what he was, and he didn't have a desire to change himself. At least not beyond becoming more powerful, more dangerous, and unstoppable.
"I am sorry, Shizu. Honestly, I might just be a terrible boyfriend for you." He sighed out. He was sorry, but would it change anything? Even if he was sorry now, he doubted it would make any difference. Hurting her feelings sucked, but it wasn't like it changed his mind. She didn't suddenly stop being a threat, she didn't stop being an Arrancar, and she didn't stop being a man-eating monster.
Granted, she didn't seem to WANT to be those things. But if she still ate him in the end despite caring for each other then wanting to change didn't mean much, did it? Because she would still be doing the same thing. She would still slip up despite her efforts and eat him, or someone else, the way he would slip up and say something hurtful to her or about her even if he didn't want to hurt her.
She wanted to eat him. She'd admit as much freely. She didn't see the contradiction in her words and her desires. She didn't connect wanting to eat him or anyone else with something that was monstrous. Delusion, or ignorance, it didn't really matter. And explaining it wouldn't make a difference either. There was no way to make her understand, it would only hurt her to try. He knew because he HAD tried, at least once or twice to explain what he felt it meant to be a monster and to be monstrous.
He was too stupid for this. He didn't have the ability to fix anything. He was only ever really good for breaking things. Maybe he'd break Shizu one day too. He'd be the worst thing that ever happened to her despite caring for her, and not meaning to hurt her. How fitting would that be? Shizu might even think that was romantic.
Yama started to sit up, his body creaked like a stiff board as he made his way to his feet, stepping over to a gravestone, and leaning on it for support. Breathing lightly from just how much effort that took.
"I'm going to wait outside the graveyard by my bike." He decided it was better if he wasn't there for now. He'd already hurt Shizu more than enough and he didn't want to put his foot in his mouth more than he already had. Nothing he was thinking about would be helpful or productive to Shizu right now. If Rabirria wanted to comfort Shizu, then she would probably do better than Yama would right now anyway.
PC: 10
Smiley freshstrawberries